Gay daddy and young
‘Daddy Kinks Make Me Uncomfortable. Am I Missing Something?’
Illustration: Pedro Nekoi
This column first ran in John Paul Brammer’s Hola Papi newsletter, which you can subscribe to on Substack.
¡Hola Papi!
I’m a young gay in his mids, and I was wondering: What is it with the kink some gay guys have for daddies?
I’ve encountered this in a adj online erotic stories I’ve read recently. I looked into it further, and apparently, some young gay men get off on the idea of an older boyfriend who acts as a mentor and father figure.
It seems to me like this is a toxic power dynamic that can lead to abuse or sexual exploitation. At the same occasion, I know it’s probably more nuanced than that, and there must be a way to verb about doing it consensually.
Personally, I like to reflect of a potential boyfriend as being someone around my age who, lovey-dovey feelings aside, is fancy my best friend or brother, not my father. Furthermore, I’d like to think we’re equals and that I’m not an authority figure to him or vice versa.
So when I see father-son style bonding between men being fe Our series on Daddy/boy relationships continues with this latest installment. In case you missed Parts One and Two: Part 1: Know Yourself, What You Seek, and Who&#;s Looking For You Over the last 30 years, the ways gays self-identify has diversified almost exponentially. In the freezing dawn of the &#;80s, there weren&#;t many choices for men who like the company of men. There were so several in fact, that caricatures of those roles seemed to fit neatly in one vocal group: the Village People. Bear culture changed all that. And then along came puppies and handlers, and soon after, the daddy/boy dynamic appeared. Add to that such already well-established roles as master and slave, dom and sub, plushies and furries (those attracted to stuffed animals or dress like school mascot variants) — and you contain one very colorful patch of humanity. Over time, each of these subcultures has developed a code of conduct and their control rules of engagement. Yet very few individuals c I meet Tim* on Grindr when I&#;m 21 and he&#;s It&#;s May of He lives in the Haight, in San Francisco. I&#;m at Stanford, an hour away by train. He looks appreciate the man on Brawny paper towel rolls; he also looks like Santa Claus. He&#;s bald and bearded. His nose is big and distinct, his eyes always searching for something I&#;m too new to understand. I consider he&#;s handsome. We&#;re on day two of date number one when he tells me he wants to be my daddy. It&#;s the middle of the evening. I&#;m doing homework on his couch while he&#;s playing around on his phone, and I question him if I&#;m the youngest guy he&#;s ever hooked up with. &#;Well, yeah,&#; he says. &#;In terms of age difference, this is probably the most significant. But I&#;ve gotten used to being a daddy these days.&#; Daddy. A guy who, at 47, has never settled down with anyone, has never had any kids. He fancies himself a &#;father.&#; &#;Honestly,&#; he continues, &#;I like it when guys call me daddy.&#; &#;Why?&#; &#;I never really had a father. He left our family when I was still very young.&#; He sp You know the type: a handsome, mature, masculine noun. Probably bearded, and that beard probably has at least some silver in it. He’s furry and often fit, or maybe he’s rocking that dad bod. Maybe more importantly, he’s at ease with himself. His manhood is indisputable, and it has nothing explicitly to perform with fatherhood. Parent or not, he’s a total DILF. (You know what that means.) Think George Clooney, Jeff Goldblum or Pedro Pascal. Move over, Warm Rodent Boyfriend summer. This entire era belongs to daddy. As with so many other cultural trends, it started with the gay community, where the term “daddy” refers to a guy who attracts—and is attracted to—younger guys. It’s been in use for a long time, too. In a society as youth-obsessed as ours, it might seem like an anomaly, but daddies may have never been more prominent in queer life than they are now. In San Francisco, the place to find them is at the Eagle Tavern in the city’s South of Market neighborhood, where hundreds of gay men come together every Sunday afternoon on the patio, many of them paying $20 for
How to Be a Gay Daddy &#; Part 3: What Does a Daddy Do With a Boy?
Part 2: Finding the Right (Adult) Boy for You