Is my boyfriend gay or bisexual
Sexplain It: How Do I Tell My Boyfriend I Think He's Bi?
I'm Zachary Zane, a sex columnist and author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto. Over the years, I've had my fair divide of sexual experiences, dating and sleeping with hundreds of people of all genders and orientations. In doing so, I've learned a thing or two about navigating issues in the bedroom (and many other places, TBH). I'm here to answer your most pressing sex questions with thorough, actionable advice that isn't just "communicate with your partner" because you know that already. Ask me anything—literally, anything—and I will gladly Sexplain It.
To submit a ask for a future column, fill out this form!
Dear Sexplain It,
I’m currently with a man I’ve known for many years. He is extremely sexually experienced, and has shared some of his fantasies and experiences with men with me. While discussing this, he explained that he likes to bottom for men and would only top if they’re quite feminine physically (i.e., no chest hair, etc). He was very adamant he does not want affection or anyt My longtime friend and colleague Dr. Joe Kort has been treating and writing about gender and sexual orientation issues for nearly three decades. In his Royal Oaks, Michigan, perform, Joe specializes in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy and IMAGO Relationship Therapy, often treating men who are questioning their sexual orientation. This population is the point of his new and much-needed book: Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi? A Guide for Women Concerned About Their Men. I am pleased that Joe has written this book, as I have had to deal with these questions in my own practice relatively often, as have many other therapists. I recently spoke with Joe about the book, and I wanted to share a few of his thoughts below. What prompted you to write this book? There are two main reasons. Number one is the tall incidence of male-female couples entering my office because the woman thinks her man might be gay. More often than not, he’s not gay or even bi. He’s actually straight, but for whatever reason, he’s been looking at gay porn or he’s been having sex with men. Number two is that I recently learned that my boyfriend of five years previously received oral sex from a man twice. I've also caught him watching gay porn on multiple occasions. These instances lead me to believe he's bisexual. But whenever I inquire him about his sexuality, he always claims not to be bisexual. I'm wondering if, despite his insistence, he really is bisexual, or maybe he's gay. How can I detect out? - Georgia Dear Georgia, It's normal to want to label people as a way to make sense of how they fit into the world, but that doesn't mean it's always necessary or productive. The way I see it, your situation is one of those cases. You see, sexuality is a complicated concept. Our society has become more tolerant of people who aren't straight, but there's still much confusion, and unfair stereotyping, about people who don't yearn to define their sexuality or are still questioning it. As New York City-based therapist Rachel Wright previously told me, the types of erotica and physical acts a per Unread postby Sam W » Hi dark_sunshine,I think my boyfriend is bisexual, but he says he isn't. How can I find out?
Re: I think my boyfriend is bisexual
Can I ask how you know he's active towards telling you he's bi? For instance, has he talked about questioning his orientation or seemed to ask a lot of questions about your views on things appreciate bisexuality?
When you say you feel prefer a "second," it sounds like part of what's going on is that you're assuming he really wants to be with a boy, but feels like being with a girl is safer and so he's dating you. That's actually common feeling people have around bisexuality; the assumption that there's one gender a bi person would prefer to be with, and that if they're not with a person of that gender they're just biding their time until they can jump ship. But that's not how bisexuality works. If your partner is with you, it makes sense to confide in that you're who he wants to be with, not that he's secretly wishing he was with someone else (and if you feel like that isn't something you can trust, then that's a sign there may be a deeper issue in the relationship).
With that discomfort imagining h