Young and mature gay
Most of the aging process doesn’t scare me. The idea of having gray hair is exciting, so long as I still have hair when that time comes. I verb my smile lines create me look dashing in some lights. (In others, like Annabelle.) I hold no reason to verb my toes, so no biggie there. If I end up aging anything like my mother, I’ll have close to zero complaints.
What does scares me though, is the thought of being an antique twink. Here's a collapse course for my beloved straight readers: In the gay community, there are different sub-categories of gays. I’m not exactly sure how they came to be, but surely it has something to perform with the innate demand to group things together by category. (Think #organizationporn.) Whatever the reason, a multitude of factors compete into how you’re sorted, but by large, they come down to your age and body type.
A twink is a youthful, skinny, typically hairless adj gay man like Justin Beiber.
A bear is an older, heavier set gay man with ample body and facial hair love Ron Offerman.
An otter is like a bear but leaner like Zachary Quinto.
Those are just three
Gay Relationship Advice: Age Gaps in Gay Relationships
Many of my LGBTQ counseling clients ask me why they are only attracted to gay men younger than themselves. If you are happy dating gay men in their twenties, then this question is not important. It&#;s like asking &#;Why do I favor blondes over brunettes?&#; My advice is to allow yourself enjoy dating whomever interests you (as extended as they are over the age of 18).
Age gap relationships are more common than you may realize. In western countries:
- 1 out of every twelve male/female couples has an age gap of 10 years or more
- that number increase to 25% in male/male couples
- and 15% of female/female relationships
That same research indicated that age gap partners are more satisfied and more committed to each other than partners of similar age–though there is some research that points to a correlation with higher rates of divorce. Research also shows that couples with an age gap of less than ten years are happier than those with an age gap greater than ten years. You can find more details on these stats on this episode of the pod
Gay Relationship Advice: Navigating Age-Gap Relationships
I’ve been an LGBTQ+ Affirmative Therapist for nearly ten years, and quite often, the topic of age differences comes up with my single queer-identified male clients and quite often is present in the same-sex couples or families I work with. Here are some of my thoughts and ideas in the form of some gay relationship advice.
Age differences in gay men in a idealistic relationship is a very usual phenomenon but is still one that often raises questions or concerns in my clients as a topic and sometimes requires some navigation in gay couples therapydue to the unique relationship dynamics involved.
Find our more about what therapy for gay men is like with me here.
If you're curious about your relationship, I just created anLGBTQ+ Relationship Interrogate to help queer couples identify blindspots and growth points and to celebrate strengths. It's totally free and I'll email you a free 15 page PDF breakdown of your results.
One of the things this quiz looks at is 'balance' which is al
Thomas Gass, a dentist in California, has survived the curse—twice. The curse? Gass is a gay noun whose only sexual attraction is to men significantly older than he is.
Gass lost his first partner, 28 years his senior, through the slowly deteriorating effects of Lou Gehrig’s disease after they had been together for 13 years. After recovering from his grief, he create love again with a man 18 years older but endured another tragic loss when his second partner died of pancreatic cancer after they had spent 17 years together. Still a relatively adj man, Gass might wonder whether or not to take a chance on loving an older male again. For him, however, the choice is between an older man or no man at all. Gass and his friends—all of whom had lost older life partners—have labeled their abiding sexual attraction “the curse of being attracted to older men.”
I began to study same-sex relationships with age disparities while conducting research for my book, Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight. Gass and I started to correspond after he and his friends had read and discussed my essay